I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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