im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
