are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Randomize