Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
