Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
