Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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