My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
