I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
