i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
