i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
My Sexting was not on an AP level
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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