He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Randomize
