she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
