girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
