she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
3 2 1 whiskey
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
