those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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