Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
