I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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