Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
