Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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