Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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