So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
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Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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