I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
