Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
