gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
