I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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