I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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