this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
