Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
tell your sister to shave her snatch
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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