There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
