i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
