i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
