do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
