New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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