He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I looked at my own cervix.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
there is puke in my bra ... again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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