And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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