is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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