There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
