he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
