Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize