my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i think im in europe. pls send help
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I smell like Dick and happiness
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
