lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
