Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
