If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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