would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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