You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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