I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
