I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
