My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
