I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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