for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
