oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
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