Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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