I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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