I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
