I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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