If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
She said her name was "party"
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
