She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
