just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
