Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
