I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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