I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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