Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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