At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize