Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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