This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
