margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
