I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize