dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
